O Christmas Knight Page 6

  Shooting a glance his way, she found his face turned her direction. The set of his features drew her in and she had to force her attention back to the road. He was gorgeous—why hadn’t she ever really acknowledged it before?

  It’s just hormones. You slept with him. Of course your body is demanding more.

  She turned on the radio, keeping it low so as not to wake him, and drove. She could have easily hopped onto the interstate and made better time, but thanks to Hawk, she looked forward to seeing what was in the next town. Small shops and people on sidewalks, probably discussing holiday plans. With a few weeks until Christmas, she imagined her maman already had their menu planned and gifts wrapped.

  She rolled past a place selling fresh cut trees and could nearly smell the pine. What did Hawk do for Christmas? He had a sister and parents someplace, but would he go visit them? Or did he find some beautiful woman to hole up with for the day, wrapped in matching sweaters and cozy socks?

  Tyler closed out that thought.

  One thought led to the next and somehow she returned to what happened to her after the holidays. Back to the base and training more new recruits? Forcing them to achieve faster times that would in turn help them win wars?

  The sounds of gunfire still echoed in her ears if she let down her guard. And that scared her. Since being pinned down in that battle, she was afraid she was damaged. Sure, she hadn’t taken a bullet but the fear she still felt. The clamminess all over her body was real.

  She turned on the cool air so it blew from the vents straight onto her face. She knew the signs of PTSD, had seen it on her brothers from time to time, though they always shoved it down and didn’t speak of it. Now she wondered if she should have asked them about what they faced on their missions.

  Town followed town and before long she was breaching the New Orleans city limits. The familiar sight of places she loved gave her an excited feeling. Soon she’d see Lexi and her parents, maybe her brothers and sisters-in-law and her little niece and nephew.

  She missed so much of their day-to-day lives. Right now, she was glad to be home.

  As she navigated the streets, Hawk awoke. He moved his chair into an upright position and looked out the window. He didn’t speak for a long time. She’d never seen the man sleep, so she didn’t know if he wasn’t a person who talked the moment he opened his eyes or if he was dwelling on something too.

  When they exited the city and entered the suburbs that stretched into bayou, she couldn’t contain her happiness. The Spanish moss dripping off branches, the beauty of Louisiana, hit her hard and she choked up.

  Of course, Hawk would guess the most inopportune time to speak to her and pounce on it. “Good to be home.”

  She only nodded.

  “You all right?”

  “Yes,” she said with a gritty tone.

  “You sound funny.”

  “Well, you look funny.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I guess my hope that when I woke up I’d find you sweeter has been crushed.”

  She pulled into her driveway and they bounced down the gravel lane leading to the big two-story home where she’d been raised. Only one car was parked out front, and it belonged to her mother. Her father would be at work and Lexi at the flower shop.

  Tyler stopped the rental and put it in park. Hawk got out immediately and stretched. She averted her gaze from the rippling muscles and made a move to get her duffel.

  “I got it,” he said, reaching into the back seat.

  They took two steps and then she stopped him. “You don’t have to come in. Thanks for seeing me home, but…”

  He stared down at her, so tall and broad that she fought the urge to wrap herself around him and shimmy him like a tree. “But what?” His voice was hoarse.

  “But we can’t see each other.”

  He simply looked at her and then straightened. Handing off the duffel, he started toward the driver’s side. He opened the door. “See ya around, Tyler.”

  She almost gulped back a cry for him to stay.

  Not to leave like this.

  But it was best. They didn’t have a romance—they’d slept together and only that once.

  And he’d rescued her in a way. Or he’d led the team that had.

  She threw a wave at him, and he ducked into the small car. “See ya, Hawk,” she said quietly to herself and watched him back out, headed down the drive to the main road.

  * * * * *

  The light knock on the bedroom door had Tyler sitting up, hair trailing over her face, staring blearily at her surroundings. Where was she?

  Then her mind cleared as she focused on the high shelf where her twin sister’s favorite stuffed animals had sat since she’d decided she was too old for them but couldn’t part with the beloved and grubby toys.

  Another knock and the door opened a little. Lexi popped her head around the frame. “Tyler?”

  Tyler’s heart brimmed over with love and affection for her sister. With her befuddling dream faded, she leaped off the bed and ran to yank Lexi into her arms. They hugged for a long minute, just feeling the familiarity of the person who shared a womb.

  “Your hair’s grown so much.” Lexi spit out a mouthful and drew back, laughing.

  Tyler grinned as she raked her gaze over Lexi. “You’re dressed up. Where were you?”

  She waved a hand, dismissing the full skirt she wore with a small retro print and the tiny T-shirt that barely skimmed her waist. “Just work.”

  “You never wore skirts to the flower shop before.”

  “Bo thought I’d look good in this style, and he was right, so I keep buying them in different colors and patterns. I’ve got to wear them somewhere, right?” Lexi’s eyes, so like Tyler’s own, danced with happiness.

  But Tyler felt a punch to the gut at the mention of Bo. Hawk. Hawkeye, whatever. The man was a pain in her ass and she not only couldn’t escape dreams of him but now her sister was bringing up his name.

  “Well, you look great,” she said to circumvent the topic of the man she wanted to forget. “And here I am all grimy from traveling all night.”

  “Sit down.” Lexi pointed at her bed and Tyler sank to the mattress, already feeling the lull of sleep crashing over her again. This wasn’t normal behavior for her. She had so much energy normally, and now she was battling against fatigue. Maybe it was just jet lag.

  Lexi bounced down beside her and drew her slim legs up under her skirt. Reaching out, she brushed some dark reddish-brown hair from Tyler’s shoulder. “You look a little tired. I’m sorry I woke you, but Maman said you were up here and I couldn’t wait to see you.”

  Tyler smiled at her sister’s characteristic enthusiasm for all things in life. The girl was a bundle of possibilities, and typically that rubbed off on Tyler. But all she wanted right now was her pillow and two more hours of sleep.

  “I’m just tired from traveling,” she said.

  “Maman has invited the boys over and everyone is on their way. You don’t want to sleep through your homecoming celebration, do you?”

  She laughed. “No. I’ll get up and shower. That will wake me up. And is that Cajun shrimp linguine I smell?” She took a deep breath and caught the notes of spice on the air.

  “Yes, you’re lucky. Maman only makes that for you. I’ll pick out some clothes for you while you shower.”

  “Something comfortable. I can’t even think of wearing a skirt right now.” After what she’d been through, she just wanted leggings and an oversized T-shirt.

  Lexi got off the bed and threw her a look as she strode to Tyler’s closet, where she still had all her civilian clothes she hadn’t worn in years. “I’ll take care of you, sis. Go shower. And use my citrus amber body wash! It smells divine.”

  She chuckled as her sister’s words followed her to the bathroom. Once behind the closed door, she didn’t immediately turn on the shower, though. Instead, she looked in the mirror.

  She rarely did this nowadays. Her life was training hard and training others harder. She didn’t wear makeup or get to be the old Tyler often. Last time she’d gotten leave, she’d traveled to Washington DC to run the marathon instead of dolling up for some occasion.

  Now, looking at herself, she felt like she wanted a bit of her old self back. She turned on the hot water and stripped off her clothes.

  A glance in the mirror had her doing a double-take.

  Was that a… God, it is!

  Hawk had marked her with a red streak down the crest of one breast. Her skin prickled with remembrance of his beard stubble that had sprouted quickly in the baking Afghan heat. He’d run his jaw down over her, leaving kisses behind. Soft presses of his hard lips that had sent thrills all through her system.

  Her nipples puckered, and she twisted from the mirror, not wanting to witness her own body’s reactions to thoughts of Hawk.

  Ugh, why did she have to sleep with him? Now she’d be faced with the man or talk of him, which would only make it harder for her to process and evict him from her personal life.

  Harder now that she bore his mark.

  She stepped into the shower and yanked the floral curtain shut. She almost laughed at the changes in décor in the bathroom. When they shared this bathroom with all their brothers, a simple blue utilitarian curtain had been all there was. Now Lexi had clearly spattered her love for all things flowery across the space in curtain, wall décor and even a fat pot on the sink holding three colorful Gerber daisies.

  When she looked around the shower ledges, a giggle escaped. Leave it to her sister to have all the flowery scents on the market crammed into the shower. She read labels until she found the citrus amber one and squeezed some onto her palm. The smell was divine—it filled her nose and calmed her a bit.

  She still didn’t forget about the red mark, though.

  After washing and standing under the spray for far too long, she began to hear bumping and thumping coming from downstairs that could only mean her huge brothers were home.

  She stepped out of the shower and hurried through toweling off. Lexi had straightened her bed and laid an outfit there. She was relieved to see comfy shorts and one of her old favorite tops. The bright blue was the exact opposite of the grays, greens and blacks she wore on base. Just the pick-me-up she needed.

  When she brushed her hair and reached for some of Lexi’s makeup, she felt better. A little less fatigued, though it still lay deep in her like a dormant thing, ready to pounce. If she sat too long in one place, she’d probably nod off.

  As soon as she set foot downstairs, her oldest brother Ben turned to her with a grin. Without a word, he scooped her up in his arms and lifted her off the floor so her feet dangled. She laughed and hugged him tight. Then was passed to the next brother and the next until she got into embracing their wives. The only one she didn’t know very well was Chaz’s wife Fleur. The lovely woman hugged her, though, and welcomed her home. When Fleur smiled at Tyler, she felt genuine affection shine through and then she stopped being worried about not knowing her new sister-in-law.

  Lexi was in the dining room setting the table with their mother, who turned and came to hug Tyler once more.

  She laughed. “You’ve already hugged me five times.” She patted her maman’s back.

  “I know. I just want to get as many in as I can before you leave again.” She stepped back and turned her attention to placing silverware alongside the dishes but Tyler knew she was hiding a tear or two.

  Finally, Tyler went in search of her father. The man was home from work and enthroned in his chair with the evening news on but no chance at all of hearing it over the din.

  Tyler padded over to his chair. He looked up, and she tipped over the chair into his lap like when she was a little girl.

  “There’s my wicked baby.” He kissed the top of her head and drew her against his chest. She settled her head on his shoulder. “How are you, princess?”

  He was one of the only people to treat her like a female and not a tomboy. Growing up it had been annoying and yet comforting at once. He knew her well enough to say she was both a strong female warrior and still a softy deep inside at times.

  She mulled over his question. How was she? She could do the old “fine” routine, but her father would dig in and learn the truth.

  In their private corner of the room, nobody could overhear their conversation.

  “It wasn’t easy, Papa.” Her Creole came out most when she was emotional, and she could hear it in her drawl.

  He squeezed her. “I’m sure it wasn’t, honey. I’ve seen your brothers struggle as well at times.”

  Just speaking the words eased her a bit and she just snuggled for another long minute. When dinner was announced, she climbed off her father’s lap.

  And came eye-to-eye with Hawk.

  When had he crept in? Who had invited the man?

  He stared at her too deeply, probing her almost. She ran her fingers through her hair and turned for the dining room, ignoring his questioning gaze.

  Are you okay? she could almost hear him asking.

  Lexi had a bouquet laid across her place at the table and tied with a blue bow. Her favorite color that reminded her of a summer sky. Touched, Tyler lifted the flowers to her nose and inhaled deeply while hugging her sister with one arm.

  As she lowered the flowers, she once again caught Hawk staring.

  “Sit here by me, Bo,” Lexi said, shooting a look up the table at someone.

  Tyler followed her gaze and spotted the other member of the Knight Ops team, Rocko. A smile touched her lips and she shook her head. Things would never change. Since the moment her twin had set eyes on Rocko, she’d been trying to gain his attention. She had never said so, but Tyler suspected Lexi had run off in hopes that Rocko followed her, but that didn’t happen.

  Hawk seated himself next to Lexi but that unfortunately put him at an angle from Tyler, giving him a perfect view of her.

  She set aside the flowers she still held and avoided his stare.

  “Before we dig into this wonderful linguine, I raise a toast,” Tyler’s father said from the head of the table. He lifted his glass of sweet tea that was probably doused with a trace of rum as his post-work cocktail.

  She smiled at her father and raised her glass as well. They all did the same.

  “To Tyler. Welcome home, princess. And to having this big family around us, healthy, safe and whole.” Her father’s words resounded inside her.

  She might not have made it home from Kandahar. So many things could have gone sideways and then this wouldn’t be a celebration. Now she knew the weight her brothers bore each time they walked out that door on a mission.

  She sipped her own tea, feeling Hawk’s eyes on her.

  Dinner was as delicious as she remembered, and the conversations had everyone laughing nonstop. The little Knight children were the center of several of them, with her brothers relaying their escapades of fatherhood.

  Tyler’s heavy feeling of exhaustion was back, and she found herself slumping and wishing everyone would leave so she could slip away to bed. She propped her chin on her hand and stared at nothing.

  When talk finally wrapped up, she went to help clear the table, but her sisters-in-law waved her off. So she stood in the living room wondering if anybody would notice if she went upstairs.

  From the corner of her eyes she spied Hawk, looking her way, of course.

  Yep, time to go before he could corner her.

  Upstairs, she felt relief pour over her. The sensation left her perspiring and even more wiped out. She fell face-down on her bed, eyes shut.

  Maybe she was coming down with something. She’d never felt such strange symptoms before.

  The door burst open, and she rolled over to glare as Ben walked in unannounced and uninvited.

  “Hawk sent me,” he said by way of explanation when she narrowed her eyes at him.

  “What? Why would he send you?”

  “He was worried about you, and now I am too.” He dropped to her bed, and her mattress sank low under his heavy muscle. His gaze drilled into her and she saw the man who led a special ops unit and not her big brother.

  She scooted into a sitting position and wrapped her arms around her knees. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “You’re sleeping a lot.”

  “I’m jet-lagged.”

  “Or dealing with battle stress.”

  She didn’t respond.

  “You were pinned down for hours, fighting for your life. That takes a toll, Tyleri.” His use of her nickname softened his words.

  “Yeah, but we were fine. My unit pulled through. We didn’t lose anybody though we were outnumbered. And just why the hell is Hawk sticking his nose in anyway?”

  He arched a brow at her sudden outburst. “Could be he feels responsible for your well-being. He was the one to provide the backup your team needed.”

  “What else did he say?”

  Ben cocked his head. “What should he have said? Is there something I should know?”

  “No. The battle was over quickly.”

  He nodded. “Still, I think you need to see someone, Tyler. Talk it out.”

  “What, like a shrink?”

  “We all need it at times. You can’t do this job and not crack when you see or do something that goes against everything human you’ve been raised to know.”

  Once more, she saw in her mind’s eye a man hitting the dirt, collapsing from the bullet she’d fired. Then five others after him.

  “I can’t talk to a stranger.”

  “Can you talk to me?” Ben asked.

  “No.”

  “Who then?”

  Her mouth opened and the name perched on her lips, but she wouldn’t let herself say it. Bo.

  When she didn’t speak, Ben reached out and drew her into a hug. “Talk to Lexi then. Or those ugly fucking stuffed animals.”

  She giggled.

  “Just talk to somebody, okay?” he said gruffly, and a wave of affection washed over her. She loved her brothers so much.

  She nodded. “I will.” It might be a lie. She wasn’t sure yet.